you're a dummy b****: work edition

I have a degree in Public Relations. I have an expensive ass piece of paper that certifies that I have studied Public Relations THOROUGHLY. So...why do I feel like the dumbest person ever at my job? Let me just tell y'all how my first week of work was, how I feel now after my second week there and how God talks to me.

I landed a paid position with a premiere tech PR agency in San Francisco. How I landed this internship was something people write about in a fairytale. I moved across the country with a suitcase and three boxes. I was looking around on LinkedIn and saw I had a message from a PR manager who worked for an agency in San Francisco. This message was two weeks old. NOW NORMALLY, IF YOUR ASS DOESN'T RESPOND IN A TIMELY MANNER, YOU MISSED YOUR CHANCE (I would know see as how I had a connect at Google and blew it). So, I did what any normal person does and asked my mom what should I do and she told me to send my resume and cover letter anyway. I'm not here to lie to y'all but when I sent that email...I got a response in 10 minutes. 10. DIEZ. I said oh y'all real real? Wanna talk talk? Ok.

I'm gonna speed it up here, I interviewed in three phases over 4 business days (a phone call, writing test, and Zoom video call with my future co-workers). The next day(Friday) I received another call from the HR along with an email extending the position to me. I accepted because not only did I want it, I know I need it and the universe wants me to have it. I'm sure you all can tell. That all happened in late June, my start date was September 24, 2018 @9:30 am.

So September 24, 2018, rolled around and HERE IS WHERE THE UNIVERSE TRIED TO MAKE A MOCKERY OF ME. Let's break week one down:

Monday

I was told to report to my agency at 9:30 am on Monday morning. My commute takes 1 hour on a bad day and 55 minutes on a good day. I woke up at 6:30 am to get myself together. I was on the train by 8 am en route to work. Everything was going according to plan until I started noticing surroundings that I hadn't seen before. Internally, I'm freaking the fuck out, externally, I kindly ask the couple in front of me where we are going and they reply, "Richmond". Now bitch, I know when I stepped on this train the monitor read San Francisco so how the fuck am I on my way to Richmond? I'M GOING TO BE LATE ON MY FIRST DAY OF WORK BECAUSE I GOT ON THE WRONG DAMN TRAIN. I started calling my sister, she doesn't answer. I DARE NOT CALL MY MOTHER BECAUSE I DON'T WANT THOSE PROBLEMS. Then the universe stepped in like tighten up and figure shit out, so I did. I transferred trains and arrived at my job at 9:21 am. Stop playing with me ha.

Tuesday

I don't know if you've noticed but I don't live in San Francisco. I have to commute by train (BART) in and out of the city twice a day like thousands of others people. Earlier this summer, Nia Wilson was murdered on the BART by a white supremacist demon so that already put a bad taste in my mouth. Then, my sister was riding the BART home and was accosted by a homeless man (she has to tell y'all that story one day, it's funny as shit). So, I had this cute fantasy of me catching the BART with my Starbucks and a book gazing out the window watching Oakland pass me by. YO, ITS FIFTY MILLION PEOPLE THAT GET ON THE BART EVERY MORNING. AIN'T NO SEAT BIH. IT SMELL LIKE PISS. PEOPLE SMELL LIKE MOP WATER. EVERYTHING IS CRAZY. It's Tuesday evening, I am tired and holding on for dear life on the BART because that bitch is on hydraulics. I am swinging back and forth and my elbow knocked this Asian lady in the head hard as shit so immediately I turn into a mannequin. I'm still because she looking at me like its time to fight and I'm like

At this point, this is what I have to look forward too. Thanks, BART.

Wednesday–Friday

Let's talk about work, shall we? Love my agency, love the people. However, it is intimidating to join a company of thirty people and you be the odd one out because you don't know them and they don't know you. I can't blame them for being as close as they are. Everyone has their niche and I'm over here in the corner. I already feel out of element as it is then add on to the fact that I have no idea how to my job, yeah I feel a way. The issue that had me feeling upset was really the fact that I felt hopeless. It all seemed so hard, so overwhelming, too much and this is just the first month so it is going to get worse. I really questioned my intellect for four days straight until I talked to two other employees on the way home AND THEY TOO FELT LIKE A DUMBASSES AND DID NOT KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON. What was cool about that was until that point, I hadn't had any real conversations with anyone so for them to kick shit with me on the corner like that made me feel normal. It made me calm down and tell myself, "hey you aren't a dummy and you deserve to be there, quit tripping."

WEEK TWO

Monday–Friday

The girl who was training me my first week left to visit India for three weeks, let's start there lmao. As you may have guessed, by now I'm drowning in worry because my go-to person is not there as a resource so now I've got to figure shit out. Would y'all believe me if I told you that I started finding my niche? NOW, I'M NOT THE BEST AND THERE IS DEFINITELY ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT BUT I AM NOT ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE. I was told countless times that I would improve but I have this thing where I don't believe people when they tell me things (it's only sometimes though ha) so I didn't listen but they were right. I don't feel like I'm drowning anymore. I have weekly syncs with account leads each week so this Friday I had my first sync. I know the universe gets tired of talking to me but yet here we are. So, I'm talking to my account AAE (associate account executive) and the sync is only supposed to be thirty minutes, we talked for thirty-five minutes. We talked about a lot of things but she left me with some words I will never forget. She said

"I was a lot like you. I used to operate from a place of fear and I'm here to tell you don't operate from that place. Try something, fuck up, do good, it doesn't matter. Run into the fire."

AYE. LEMME TELL YOU SUMN

These last two weeks have been scary, stressful, exciting, tiring, hell ALL OF THE ABOVE but I wouldn't wish to be anyone else, I wouldn't wish to have another job, I wouldn't take back all the moments I doubted myself and I damn sure wouldn't take back the few wins I had. This next phase in my life is starting and I feel the shift. I don't know what will happen in the future but I'm so fucking glad to be where I am and doing what I'm doing. YOU LITERALLY CANNOT MAKE THIS SHIT UP. You all have no idea how excited I am to walk the path God has laid out for me. If these last two weeks have been any indication then y'all will get more foolishness soon enough. In fact, my coworkers told me (did not ask) but told me we were going out after work to celebrate my birthday. Y'all know dramatic shit happens to me so I am sure something foolish will happen.